Blogging will be cool again one day. Probably.

I’m Here

For a while I have been inhabiting a no energy, cloudy-headed, dull, grey world. I try and tell myself that if I do some of the things I love to do that I will feel better. Then I stand in front of my drawing table staring at a white sheet of paper for 2 hours with a pencil in my hand and never make a mark. Or I go for a walk and come back feeling exhausted instead of energized.

Who is this person? She can’t be me. I am full of energy, always busy doing something or making something. I like to laugh and joke and sing songs to my dog. I draw funny pictures and play the ukulele really badly. I get excited about things no one else really cares about and I love being here.

I am angry at myself. This seems like such a waste of time. And I feel sorry for myself too. And then I worry that maybe I will just feel this way forever – that this is who I am now. That a switch has flipped in my brain and for the rest of my life I will feel lonely and empty and like I am wrapped in layers of cotton and that the world will remain grey and dull. Just like this. Forever.

And somewhere inside I know that it will get better. That depression lies and that I am not alone. But right now that doesn’t clear my head or my make my heart any less heavy. Right now I just want to curl up under 10 blankets in the dark and be completely still and quiet because light and noise and movement are too hard.

And maybe, if I stay still and quiet in the dark, like an imagined monster from my childhood Depression will forget that I am here and move on.


Catching Up

I have been away from this space for a few months. Work and life have been a bit overwhelming for the past little while and writing here became a pretty low priority activity.

Turning 41 this summer has resulted in a huge shift in perspective for me and this shift has caused me to re-evalute how I spend my time, what I focus on, and what I truly value. The realization that (statistically speaking) your life is half over is sobering to say the least, and compounded with the idea that you haven’t even come close to doing the things that you want to do is pretty scary.

So, in order to avoid being an 80 year-old woman who regrets all of the things, I have decided to make a few changes. And, because I am useless with paper journals, I am going to use this space as the internet originally intended and blog about my life and the changes I am making.

Before you run screaming, no, I am not planning to tell you all about my marathon training (because that would never, ever happen) or my plans for eating nothing but kale and purified air so that I can live to be 1,207 (I fully intend to vanish completely from the earth at a regular sort of age and plan to enjoy as much cheese as possible before that).

I will share the art and writing projects that I am working on, the trips I take, the books and movies I devour, some of the things that I learn, and the progress I make. I want to hold myself accountable for actually living my life instead of watching the days tick by and telling myself that I will “start that project tomorrow” and putting all of the things I want to do in a box labeled “someday”.

Someday is now.

A Story

I have been working on my giant bear painting and noodling around on some other projects so I think it is pretty safe to say that my Daily Drawings project has been shelved for awhile. Perhaps I’ll pick it up later on in the spring?

For now here is a little comic that I made about two buildings.

A Story 1

Oh No! Daily Drawing Off The Rails

I have been working of a giant (for me) canvas for about a year now. Poking at it when I can, spending whole days on it when I really can. After a long hiatus resulting from a big commission followed by a serious bout of the January blahs I am back at it and I am really enjoying working on it.

For now I am just going to run with it and I feel like my Daily Drawing will probably be more like a “Random Sometimes Drawing” for awhile.

Here is a (really terrible, sorry) WIP photo of the canvas so far. It’s 5ft x 4ft and I am working strictly using a Zorn palette (cad red, ivory black, titanium white, and yellow oxide) as I wanted to play with a really limited palette for this piece. It’s so tempting to reach into my paint box for other, easier colours but so far I have managed to be strong.


Daily Drawing – January 25


Jan 25

Daily Drawing – January 23

The bird who lulls the worm into a false sense of security by pretending to be asleep gets the worm.

Jan 23

Daily Drawing – January 21

I started a new contract with the Alzheimer Society of Calgary today while my Grandmother, who is facing dementia, was getting settled in her new care facility. It made me think about how we all seem to slip away in one way or another.

Jan 21


Daily Drawing – January 20

Merle cannot even begin to express how utterly delighted he is that you have chosen to visit the basement this evening.

Jan 20

Daily Drawing – January 18

Walter, the Very Small Monk of Things-I-Meant-To-Do-This-Weekend-But-Didn’t-Because-Time-Simply-Got-Away-From-Me, would like to present you with the Key to Monday Morning.

Jan 18

Daily Drawing – January 17

I only recently discovered how great cows are (as friends, not food) and now I am a little obsessed with them.

Jan 17